PARENTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAVE SMALL CHILDREN
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Theres no doubt about it - parenting small children takes a lot of measure . So much measure that its very elegant to let the memory slip about your child within. Yet you cannot be a really grand parent while forgetting about your own feelings, needs and well-being.

Havent you noticed that if you do not take care of yourself by having enough time for yourself you are much more irritable with your mate and children? Whether your job is being with your children all day, or you work out of the home all day, or you work in your home and tend to your children all day - you absolutely need some time for yourself.

When my children we are small it was challenging to find the time for myself. I worked at home, tended to my children, and had very little money for household help. Yet if I didnt have time to myself to read, take a bath, do creative stuff or just stare at a flower, I had a hard measure being a patient, loving and fun mom.

What I did at that time is seek out adolescents who loved playing with little kids. I hired them (for not a lot of funds - they were delighted to earn a little spending money and get to play with children as well) to play with my kids while I was in the house taking time for myself. After per sixty minutes or so of restful or creative instant, I was filled up enough within to be able to give to my children. When I didnt take this time, my own Inner Child would feel unloved, unimportant and resentful.

A part of great parenting is letting your children understand that their needs are neither more nor less important than yours. In the past, children were supposed to be seen and not heard and were given the communication that adults we are more important than children. In more recent times, many children are given the message that their needs and feelings are more important than adults needs. Neither communication is based on the truth of the equality of each soul. For children to understand this equality, parents absolutely need to role model loving their children and loving themselves - not one at the expense of the other. If children are taught that adults are more important then children, the children learn to be caretakers, putting themselves aside in deference to others. If children are taught that children are more important than adults, they learn to be brats, demanding attention and not caring about others. This is just one of the reasons why it is so important for parents to take responsibility for caring about themselves - for lovingly parenting the child within.

It might be helpful to imagine that you have an actual child that lives inside you. You are the mom and dad for this child. You are the only one who can feel and hear this childs needs and who can take action on behalf of this child. You already understand what happens if you ignore the needs of your actual children. In some way or another, they will act out until they get the love and attention they need. The same is true for your Inner Child. Our Inner Child, which is our feeling self, may even cause us to be sick if we do not pay attention to him or her. Your Inner Child lets you understand when you are not being loving to him or her with anxiety, stress, anger, or resentment. When you are feeling these feelings, instead of looking outside yourself for the cause, look at whether or not you are lovingly parenting yourself. It is one of the best things you may do for you and for your children. (For help in self-parenting through the Inner Bonding process, See our FREE Course at http://www.innerbonding.com).