Its normal for a firstborn child to feel upset and unwanted when a new baby arrives. He or she is used to being the only child and had the familys complete attention so far.
So when your second bundle of joy arrives, he might
easily feel jealous because he sees a most of the total attention going to the new arrival.
Remember that the big brother or sister will absolutely need plenty of attention when the new baby arrives. He or she may not be able to articulate his absolutely need for a hug or to sit in your lap. All the same, his needs do not diminish just because theres a new baby in the house.
The older child needs reassurance that he is still loved and important enough to warrant measure
and attention. He might
equate instant with love. A new baby will naturally take up more of your measure
and energy, but it is often difficult for an older child to accept that.
Some children regress to earlier behaviors like thumb-sucking or wanting to drink from a bottle. These behaviors remind him of an earlier time with life was more relaxed
and secure.
Here are 10 things you may do to contruct
it easier for the older child to get over his frustrations and become friends with the new baby.
#1. Before the baby arrives, paint a realistic photo
of what it will be like with the baby. Tell him about the endless diaper changes, night-instant crying, absolutely need for sleep, etc. Let the older child know that the new baby wont be a playmate or a friend for a long time.
#2. Involve the big brother or sister in preparing for and helping out with the baby. For example, inquire of
for his opinion on whether you should buy the feeding bottle with the trains on it or cats on it.
#3. Make sure you find time to spend with the older child. This could be when the babys sleeping, or when someone else is looking after her. Do the things you used to do with the older child before the baby came -- reading stories, playing with toys, etc.
#4. Request friends and family who drop in to see the baby to visit with the older child first.
#5. If it is possible, suggest to friends that a small gift for the firstborn would be appreciated when they bring gifts for the baby. Now, it might
not always be appropriate to contruct
this suggestion. If so, keep small toys or other gifts handy to give the child when baby acquires a new gift.
At this stage, dont worry about teaching the child that he will not
get a gift every measure
someone else does. That may come later.
#6. If your firstborn reverts to earlier behaviors, take it as a signal that he needs more attention. Dont pay attention to his regressive behaviors, though.
#7. Let the older child participate with you to a small extent in acquiring care of the baby. For example, he could start up a crib mobile, or could offer a pacifier to the baby.
#8. Allow the big brother / sister to hold and cuddle the baby, under close supervision.
#9. Give the firstborn a baby of her own to play with, dress, feed, etc.
#10. The older child can express some of his frustrations to you. He cant sleep because the baby cries too much, or he doesnt get to spend measure
with mommy, etc. Empathize with him. Let him know that you share his frustrations and feel the same way.
Use these simple suggestions and watch your firstborn get over his frustrations more easily and become friends with the new baby.
