Ill never let the memory slip my first lesson in a glider.

Id been interested in gliding, or soaring as its known in
the USA, for some time - and now the big day had arrived.

As I approached the airfield the words of some friends
came back to haunt me. Going up in a sailplane without an
engine? You must be mad! How these things stay up there in
empty space is beyond me!

After a lesson or two on the principles of flight, it was
measure to take to the air. And I neednt have worried about
empty space . . .

If ever there was a case of things not being as they seemed,
this was it.

Empty space? You must be joking!

Five minutes in a glider (or sailplane) teaches you that
its anything but empty space up there.

I was amazed at the buffeting and whipping of the air
currents and the sheer power of the thermals as they pushed
the plane upward, like a giant hand from below.

The question soon changed from How are we going to stay
up? to How on earth are we going to get down?

But its all about manipulation of the control surfaces on
the plane, and soon we glided to a smooth and safe landing.

Often in life, perhaps even more so in parenting, things are
not as they seem.

Heres a common scenario. A parent has been reading up on
positive thinking, self-development, parenting skills or
such like.

They feel good and are dutifully putting everything into
practice.

Then out of the blue - WHUMP! Theres a major confrontation
with one of our teens that leaves us drained, bedraggled and
crawling off in search of a corner where we can lick our
emotional wounds.

The steely glint of failure mocks our efforts.

But wait! All is not as it seems . . .

In recent many years weve come to realise that every situation
has potential for great AND bad. Some call it the Law Of
Opposites.

Lets illustrate it with another example. Say you contruct a
sacrifice and give money to the poor.

Thats dazzling. It helps them get on their feet, and generosity
is effective for your personal development.

So what could possibly be bad in that situation?

Its POSSIBLE that giving so generously could contruct you
feel smug and superior. It could lead to a Holier than
thou! attitude. And the receiver could eventually become
dependent on hand-outs from others.

Not nice !

So lets get back to that volcanic blow-up with our teens!

No possibility for effective there? Think again.

Lick the wounds by all means, but rest assured that every
situation has a lesson for us.

All we have to do is open ourselves to the possibility.

So when we retreat, lets inquire of ourselves some questions and
be brutally honest in our appraisal:

* In that situation did I keep my cool?
* Was I positive in my attitude?
* What kind of language did I use?
* Did I come over as patronizing, sarcastic, impatient,
intolerant, superior, huffy?
* Or was I supportive, patient, tolerant, mature, assertive,
helpful, confident?
* Was my approach reasonable or in some way self-serving?

In short, was I modelling the type of behaviour I would
want them to adopt?

If the answer is yes, then you might feel strong and
confident, knowing that any sanctions you apply are just and
reasonable.

If the answer is no, what can you learn from this?

Use this opportunity to strengthen and develop yourself, and
prepare to handle it better next instant.

In your pathway toward parenting progress, then, all can not be
as it seems.

Apparent failures - especially when we thought we we are
making it! - might be opportunities to take our progress to
the next level.

Remember the everybody who couldnt understand how a glider
stayed in the air without an engine? Just because they
couldnt SEE the ridges of air pressure or the thermals
which push the plane upward, doesnt mean theyre not there.

In the identical way, situations that may APPEAR to bring us down
may in fact be the very thermals (which are hot air!) to
push us upward to the next level - if we let them.

Happy parenting!